Only to the extent that a person exposes him/herself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible be found within them. In this daring lies dignity and the spirit of true awakening. ~ Karlfried von Durkheim
5:30am. Advil. 7am. Road trip. I’m not sure why I thought drinking wine with my period was a good idea. I feel like death.
Lorena and I leave the group at Carara Park for their jungle adventure. We take a bus into Jaco and stop at her brother’s apartment. My first Costa Rican home experience.
Lorena makes coffee and scrambled eggs for all of us. I realize I am hungry and am grateful for the offering of food. More Advil.
We walk to the beach and the last thing I want to do is surf. In fact, I find myself craving the cool, quiet solitude of my cabin in the woods, accompanied by two purring cats, some Haagen Daazs ice cream and Netflix.
I stretch on the beach, meditate to the sound of waves crashing and focus on my breath. If I can just focus on breathing, then I’ll be ok. I force myself into the waves. You can’t go to the beach and not swim in the ocean, even if all you want to do is crawl under an umbrella and take a siesta.
After the beach, we walk back to her brother’s to shower off the sand and salt. Her father is a caricature artist and draws my picture. Remember Costa Rica.
“I can see the child in you.” I am moved by this kind man and his ability to see a part of me that is so very tender-hearted. If that part is still alive in me, that innocent child, and can be seen by this intuitive man, then I must be doing something right. The other parts of me, the ‘lesser’ parts guided by ego and vice, always threaten to rise to the front and take over so she needs all the help she can get. Those other bitches are crazy.
Recalling my childhood…I was so very loved and cared for. I didn’t want for anything. I played hard, loved sports of all kinds, loved the challenge, and was never told I couldn’t do anything. My parents were very encouraging with my tomboy-like behavior, except for the whole not wearing a dress thing. There were several battles over that. Sadly, I didn’t always win. It wasn’t until my mid-20’s that I fully embraced my femininity. I guess I was still fighting the good fight.
We walk into town to meet with Lorena’s friend. I am sweating profusely by the time we arrive. The restaurant is adorable and the food is simple and uniquely delicious. I wish I could remember the name of this place but the little red demon is doing a violent tap dance on my uterus. It’s all I can do to be cordial, and attempt to greet this handsome American man with as much grace as a wilted flower. Can one overdose on Advil…?
After lunch, we hit a little ice cream place. Here is the decadence I’ve been dreaming of! I indulge in a chocolate shake. Though we eat well at the retreat, there is nothing truly over the top unhealthy to kill my deep craving for chocolate. This just about does it.
This photo makes it look like we are at a cigar shop. Another example of why you should hire a professional photographer. FYI…
On the way home, we make our usual stop at the fruit stand by the crocodiles. As usual, mi novio is working. He greets me with a warm hug and loads me up with the usual…dark chocolate covered guava (DELICIOUS!), dark chocolate covered coffee beans, plantain chips, and free samples of local honey, coconut balls, and freshly made fudge.
The hot shower back home feels like the best shower of my life. I wait for the Advil to kick in before I reemerge back into my life. I am so miserable, yet have been asked to assist with serving dinner. We are a full house tonight. By the look on my face, Bob and Jill can tell I am not well and let me off the hook.
What I wouldn’t give for a Papa Del’s stuffed pizza. Instead, it is lasagna night, a happy substitute. I eat my dinner and slink off to my room to watch “Being There”. What a fantastic movie. I haven’t seen it in years. It’s like comfort food for the soul.
“Life is a state of mind.”