And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself? ~ Rumi
One of the guests asked me where my favorite place in Costa Rica has been. I answered while pointing to my heart, “In here.”
I woke up to the sound of rain. Feeling so good. Lighter. And except for the B52 bomber moth waking me up at 3am by repeatedly crashing into windows, I slept well. No bad dreams.
I lead practice for Michelle from Florida, Mary from Toronto, and Kelly from Vancouver. Mary said I inspired her to continue her practice. I told her that it’s been inside of her all along.
Breakfast. Mae is working, so she took care of me. I will miss having this…coming here after yoga to a plate of amazing fruit, beans and rice made, and an occasional egg cooked to my liking. It’s hitting home that this is my last week here. It will be bittersweet. I wonder where life will take me next.
I did a photo shoot of the Caribbean shrimp
and continued to photograph my new friends
Quinoa salad with gorgonzola for lunch. I still don’t like gorgonzola, no matter how many ways I try to eat it. We take siesta each day from 2 – 3:30pm. If Diego is working, there is always coffee, right at 3:30. Today, Diego is working and so there is delicious Costa Rican coffee, brewed and ready to go. I treat myself to a slice of chocolate cake from the night before to go with my coffee. Decadent.
I lead meditation and Lorena and I do acro. I love it when she is here. Such a good heart. We make plans to connect during my travels next week. Her brother lives in Jaco and is out of town. He has a surf board I can borrow and I can crash at his place. He lives within walking distance to the ocean.
So much relief. I want to travel but have such little funds to do so. I would feel much more confident if I knew the language and could easily navigate the bus system. I am enrolling in a beginning Spanish language course when I return home. And guitar lessons.
Friday…I don’t even know where to begin. Like the pull of the ocean waves, caught in the undertow of sadness, I am here again. This place of pain and uncertainty. I don’t feel brave or adventurous. I feel done. I just want to go home. And not just any home, but to a home I do not have, to love in my life that does not exist, to a life I do not lead. I wonder if it is too late for me? Did I fuck up so badly that this is my karma? I deserve this? I seem to excel at mediocrity yet I keep striving for greatness.
I need to work smarter, not harder. And maybe stop thinking so damned much. Just be. Flow, like water, Jodi. And I’m proud of you for applying for a Ted Talk. And for asking for help when you need it. It’s hard for you, I know. But stop pretending you can do this alone, ok?
This experience is similar to being a child again. I am laughing at the realization because it’s so true! I have two parents, Bob and Jill (owners). They tell me what to do. I do not know the language and communicate like a child, in hand gestures, and broken Spanish. I have no car, so I have no ability to leave, I have no freedom to come and go when I please. I eat the food that is put in front of me, whether I like it or not (gorgonzola). I cry a lot and throw tantrums.
Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure. ~ Rumi.
Thanks, Rumi. You always seem to know just what to say. As always, I continue to hold out for treasure…flowing like water…